Confessions of an Introvert

15 Jul

At a recent networking event, I was rounding the outskirts of the crowd, seeking safety and the lone networker to chat with.  Standing off to the side, a woman held out her hand as I passed.  ‘Hi, I’m ‘Y”.

We shared our ‘how do you/what do you do’s’.  At this crowdfunding gathering, she was seeking funding for her clothing line for women with curves.   She had all the qualities of a fashion designer:  savvy, attractive, and outgoing.  And she couldn’t wait to get out of ‘here’.  Not because she didn’t want funding or believe in her project.  Networking and the brouhaha of it all was ‘too much’.  ‘Y’ is an introvert.

Compacting meaningful conversation to forge a connection is an introvert talent.  But what does this really mean?  With the caveat that not all introverts are created equal, I think it’s time to shed light on the wonderful and often misunderstood inner light of an introvert.

We can be charming, fun, vivacious, sparkly.  Don’t be fooled by this one facet of our personality.   Introverts are not necessarily wall flowers, shy, or anti-social.  It’s far more complicated.

Our mantra:  “When the going gets tough, the tough go to bed.”  Personally, I live by this Barbara Sher quote.   I’m very outgoing and love being out and about.  But when I need to recharge to be my best me – my most authentic me – I unplug and pull the covers over my head.   For minutes, hours, days….  it all depends.  ‘Y’ confessed she spent the 4 day July 4th weekend at home.  When friends told her she had to go out and do stuff, she shrugged:  ‘why?’  She had a happy weekend – alone.

http-www.nickpierno.com

http-www.nickpierno.com

Small talk is like junk food.  It’s great every once in a while.   Tasty.  But only in small quantities.  Babble is empty calories.  Too much leads to weighing us down and making us sluggish.   After an hour or so, talk should move on to something substantive whether it has to do with life experiences, personal thoughts vs. actions.  As ‘Y’ shared, our conversation became real and relaxing when she could share thoughts about how and why she spent July 4th.

theintrovertentrepreneur.com

theintrovertentrepreneur.com

Social media is a bore.  We have no need to talk about ourselves.  No need to share every action and thought in a public, impersonal way.  Why?  If you have something you want to share – text.  It’s more personal.

We do not rant and rave.  Ideas and emotions can be jumbled in our head.  Talking about them in the heat of the moment means we say things we don’t mean which we’ll replay in our heads over and over.  And by the time we’ve sorted them through, well, we have no need to talk about them.

Which means, it can take us days to get back to you about something said or that thorn that got stuck in our side.  We need time.  To think.

We are great company to ourselves; never (or rarely) lonely alone.

If we are out and about and having a great time, it is still exhausting.  If we are not having a great time, it is exhausting, draining, and, lonely.

A seemingly invigorating social event will not ‘pump us up’ if we are emotionally drained.  Especially if there is no meaningful, personal, one-on-one connection/conversation.

infjdoodles-tumblr (for all you Myers-Briggs folks)

infjdoodles-tumblr (for all you Myers-Briggs folks)

I can write this post as ‘we’ because it doesn’t need to be all about me.

We are great listeners.  As one introvert once told me, extroverts see themselves as the center of the universe, introverts are happy to be on the outside.  But just because we will listen and not make everything about us doesn’t mean we have nothing to say.

We won’t talk just to talk.  We won’t talk unless someone is listening.

We may share intimate details of our life, but if you never respond or follow-up, chances are we won’t do it again.  Or maybe we will because we love you.  But it saps our energy.  It’s not connection.

Okay, I’ve said enough.  Time for this introvert to go back to bed.

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4 Responses to “Confessions of an Introvert”

  1. my2twobits July 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm #

    I for one find social media as a wonderful way to fulfill my need to connect and share my view of the world, though as an introvert I am not at all comfortable in large gatherings. So social media is not a bore for me.

    • lindabkatz July 18, 2013 at 12:51 pm #

      Thanks for showing the wide range of introversion – we’re not all like me! I do get it though – I used to roll my eyes at people who texted non-stop. And not that I make full use of my unlimited texts, but I love the ability to easily and quickly connect via my phone’s keyboard.
      I’m curious: what kinds of information you share and if it is the same or different than what your more extroverted friends share?

      • my2twobits July 18, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

        wit & wisdom for me. victories and visuals for extroverts who do fb if at all.

      • lindabkatz July 22, 2013 at 3:49 am #

        Okay, thanks for the info – I guess it is what I expect (if I have this right:) you more thoughts, extroverts more about their actions? I’ll have to keep on the lookout for what people post – so thanks again for bringing this to my attention.

        An introvert friend shared info about her on-line conversation about a TV show, impressed with the level and depth of the discussion – and her comfort in being able to sit and think through what she wants to say and how she says it.

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