Archive | August, 2012

Values: The Coach was kicked out of the Park!

6 Aug

Alas, it’s true! 

The laws are strict in this town when it comes to what you can ‘sell’ in public spaces, as the young and slightly confused officer told me.

I know the officer was doing his job – I don’t want a ticket!

NO to offering a service, NO to using park furniture.  Stay tuned for other options including BMOS (bring my own seat).

A large scruffy man in a baseball cap sat down as the officer left, to ask about coaching, comment on the interaction, and quickly offer to be my assistant.    Former driver, former ‘European’, living in Queens for the  past 20 years, Y. was exploring Manhattan and his options for the first time,  which this second included me.

I only provide coaching I reminded him more than once.

Y.,  was a math teacher in ‘Europe’.  Years ago he subbed in the Bronx – for a day.    Shaking his head, the picture viewed through his broken English:  an empty classroom with students wildly enjoying the outdoors.

Not an experience he wants to repeat.  To teach he needs to pass the test he failed, barely, more than ten years ago.  Option include taking a class with test taking tips,  or, study on his own.  Classes are expensive: he hasn’t found the free ones through the NYC Department of Education.   So many NYC teachers fail these tests the first (and many more) times, because like Y., English is not their native language.

Options are great if you know what you want, and, even then they’re challenging.   I spend many an hour picking up balls from juggled options!    While Y. is fixated on me at

One of the wonders of Bryant Park: a carousel!

the moment, I get the sense what he really wants is conversation.    He shares what I’ve heard from so many New Yorkers:  meaningful connection is rare.

Connection motivates him to ‘apply’ as my assistant.  I get it.  Coaching in the park has been meaningful and a great motivator for me, and I believe many of my ‘coachees’.

I focus on Y.’s motivation, asking what’s important enough for him to retake the teaching test and study?  He couldn’t tell me.  Knowing and understanding the values that motivate aren’t usually on the tips of our tongues.  Without knowing what he really wanted, ‘Y’ looked to me as a substitution.

Okay, to be sure there are worse substitutions!   Unmet values have led me to over consume:  food, shopping, and, negative thoughts.   But when it comes to true motivation, only meeting values will satisfy.

‘Y’ doesn’t want to hear this.  Doesn’t want to hear I can’t help.

Values are a communication essential.  Here’s a great and simple tool to identify yours:   http://www.career-test.biz/values_assessment.htm .   Values focus life areas including  finances, relationships and conflict, and career.

Values are intense, so when you identify yours, give yourself time to think through the options offered.  Share them and share your ‘ah-ha’ moment as you uncover your core values.

One of the iconic lions that guard the front of the 42nd Street Library and an anchor of the park

Hope your week is filled with meaningful connections.

Hidden amongst the trees are stacks of books, magazines, and newspapers ready to be enjoyed when a break from ping-pong is needed.

Another option: ping-pong is a great way to blow off steam during lunch hour. I haven’t played – YET. An incentive to relaunch my coaching sessions

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