It’s really, really, hard to speak up and call out when others are being bullied, shunned, killed, and just plain old insulted. Unfortunately this is part of our human history whether it’s how Blacks have been bullied economically, educationally, and physically; Asians now the victims of hate crimes; and, Jews murdered during the Holocaust. It may seem like each of these atrocities is specific to a point in time – but they are not – fear lives on and blooms easily into hateful action – especially when hate has a leader that knows how to fuel fear as Trump has done here in the US for the past four plus years. Yet, what is most surprising, is how few people who know what is happening speak up and say ‘NO – this is not right”. Now, Republicans, with a few exceptions, like Liz Cheney, have NOT spoken up against this leader. If they won’t, what does this teach us, and particularly children, about bullies, fear and speaking out?
I think there are four basic steps to doing the right thing
- Be clear about your identity: know your values and what you stand for and why.
- Define what a ‘WIN” looks like for you (HINT: that win will be based on your values and beliefs)
- Accept consequences based on YOUR definition of WIN and not anyone else’s.
- Speak up and celebrate your courage and strength.
Unfortunately, bullying continues even in this time of COVID when people aren’t meeting face-to-face. Demeaning acts and words, merciless teasing and insults are easier than ever to spread thanks to social media. Again, it is easier to say/write nothing, and (sometimes), for ‘safety’, be part of the cruelty.
Why? I wonder… Are we as a species really that cruel and hateful? (Obviously the answer seems to be yes). Then I wonder if that cruelty is part of our DNA like eye color or predisposition to a condition? Is it in everyone’s DNA? We must all be predisposed. Does how we treat ourselves and others all depend on the nurturing of our nature? And does that nurture from our environment turn off/on the predisposition.
Like invasive species, doubts spread by others easily take root in our minds.
STEP 1: BE CLEAR ABOUT IDENTITY AND WHAT YOUR VALUES AND BELIEFS – WHAT YOU STAND FOR AND WHY: Which still leaves the question of why that predisposition is realized. For me, it comes back to acknowledging that innate fear we all have inside. That fear above all else NOT to lose. Not to be the one being picked on, not to lose the protection of the herd. Fear not to lose is sometimes easier to recognize than what it means to WIN.
The hardest part of thinking this through was realizing how easy it is to NOT say anything. It’s way too easy to be an invisible cruelty contributor, anonymously hiding behind herd protection. Inaction is still being guilty though, so there is no ‘get out of jail free’ card and no hiding behind an invisibility cloak.
Watching Republicans, during his second impeachment trial, watching horrific videos of the January 6 insurrection, silently stand behind Trump as they have for four years, is baffling and sad. Trump for four years, repeatedly, daily, belittled and insulted anyone who didn’t agree with him including Greta Thunberg, an environmental activist and spokesperson AND a teenager. Trump’s words have secured his place as the meanest schoolyard bully on the world playground; a bully who keeps his ‘prey’ flailing. Few Republicans have told him, “it’s not nice to talk to others that way”. I imagine like (even) Principals, teachers, parents, ‘friends’ they are afraid, afraid to ‘suggest’, afraid to become his prey. I’d say Trump’s fear NOT to Lose is overwhelming.
STEP 2: DEFINE WHAT A ‘WIN’ LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU (HINT: IT WILL BE BASED ON YOUR VALUES!): Except for Liz Cheney, and a few others. A month after Trump instigated an insurrection through words and tweets, the few congresspeople who have spoken up are now under political attack. In particular, Liz Cheney who called for his impeachment after the riot. Now she is being bullied to leave with calls for her power and constitutional voice silenced through censor.
STEP 3: ACCEPT CONSEQUENCES BASED ON YOUR DEFINITION OF ‘WIN’: Think about it: Cheney, a leading Republican, had the courage to speak up on a constitutional issue she was elected for. She filled the true niche of the position she holds. Liz stood up and spoke out against a bully even though she is now the target of the bullies’ allies.
WOW! Cheney did the right thing at the right time for the right reasons. She, in essence, has spoken out against the BIG world playground bully, She spoke up not out of fear NOT to lose, but rather the conviction to WIN morally and constitutionally.
I may be on the other side of the political fence and not a Wyoming citizen, but as an American – and a woman, I’m proud to see a politician stand up and speak out, consequences be damned. Go Liz! She’s a role model and kids should be taught and shown how to model her behavior. It’s a step to Build Back Better after years of bad, bullying, scaredy cat behavior.
Here are the four steps to do the right thing:
- Be clear about your identity: know your values and what you stand for and why.
- Define what a ‘WIN” looks like for you (HINT: that win will be based on your values and beliefs)
- Accept consequences based on YOUR definition of WIN and not anyone else’s.
- Speak up and celebrate your courage and strength.
I think we can learn so much from Liz (Cheney): WIN by speaking up for what’s right, speak up for integrity and justice. Let’s NOT give in to fear NOT to lose for fear of consequences. Let’s speak up for what’s right with integrity and for justice: whether it’s for racial equality (Black Lives do matter), for environmental quality which impacts racial and economic equality, for wearing masks to curb this never-ending pandemic. Let’s be like Liz and do the right thing. Let’s get to Step 4 to celebrate together – for real this time.